**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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