In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
