My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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