Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
