I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
