i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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