why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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