She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
