She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
