Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
