Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
