how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
