she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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