and she was petting her beer can
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drake has all the answers
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
