Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
