well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
