this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
