12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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