I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
