got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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