and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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