So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
