guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
