Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
