Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
