There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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