A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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