We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
