Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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