Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
