I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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