he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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