Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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