I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
