if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
