At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dear god my vagina.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
