I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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