apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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