i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
