I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
