The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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