I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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