halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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