I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
