**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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