I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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