Sry I called you an 8
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
