i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
