I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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