Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
